new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
