he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
