i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
