when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
