she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
