I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
