Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
