Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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