ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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