woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
