It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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