Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
