i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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