Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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