that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
