i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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