Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
