i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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