i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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