no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
