Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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