U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
