um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
