omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm really busy with my period
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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