I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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