All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
