Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Found the puke drawer
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
