I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
