ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
