btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
