Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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