bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
