If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
