whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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