That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
