So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
