I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
