call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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