I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
