Pants 0. Shit 1.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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