I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
