i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
