omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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