enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You are the jesus of drinking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
