I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
