Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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