They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the condom got lost in my hair
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
