Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
