Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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