Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
