saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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