Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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