a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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