I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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